Forgiveness

Forgiveness. A seemingly simple enough word right? Perhaps not so much. I'm learning a lot about forgiveness, not necessarily out of the need to forgive, it just seems that it is a lesson that God is teaching me. Obviously I have things in my life that require my forgiveness, and also that I require forgiveness for. I think that is a constant in anyones life, and I am no different.

I am attending a small group at the church I attend and we are working through a book entitled "Whats so Amazing About Grace" ( Auth. Philip Yancey ). As is apparent from the title of the book, its main focus is on Grace. I seem to be taking a lot out of it on forgiveness. This evening, there was a section on misconceptions about forgiveness. Which I found really interesting as I've been wrestling with and trying to come to an understanding with some factors of forgiveness. Such as "have I truly forgiven that person", "Does forgiving someone mean that I need to attempt to rekindle that relationship" etc. They made 5 points about common misconceptions on forgiveness. They were:

1) Forgiving Somebody is excusing them
2) Forgiving is the same as Tolerance
3) People Expect instant results
4) You have to run to the person and tell them
5) You've got to go back to the same relationship

It's interesting to see those points. With myself and my current wrestling match with forgiveness a few stood out to me. Namely Points number 3,4, and 5. I do find myself expecting, or wanting, immediate results. I want to say "I forgive you" and have life magically return the the state it was in before. The point "You have to run to the person and tell them" is interesting because it shows that its possible to forgive someone and not be required to go and tell that person. This seems to be such a common thing, to feel that in order to forgive, you must go to that person and physically say to them "I forgive you". What doing that doesn't allow for though, is the fact that perhaps that person isn't ready to hear that, or that you aren't ready to physically say that to that person. In some instances, doing that very thing can cause more problems and rifts in that relationship.

The last point especially stuck out to me. The fact that indeed you do NOT need to mend that relationship to the point it was before, or even to have a relationship necessarily is in a way comforting. In my personal life I am dealing with this issue in a real way. I have 2 people in my life who recently have hurt me in a deep way. I'm not going to delve into the depths of what happened, I don't feel the need, and I respect them enough not to air that laundry out here. However, I will say that I know that a relationship with either of them is a slim possibility in my life, and even if a new relationship begins it will always bare a resulting scar from the experience. I have struggled within myself wondering if truly I had forgiven them, and this lack of rebuilding a friendship has been a block to overcome. This last point really helped me to realize that indeed, I have forgiven and no longer hold against them what was done. I highly doubt that you read this blog. But if you do, and you know that I am referring to you. I hope you take comfort that I have come to a place of forgiveness and hold no grudge or anger towards you.

Forgiveness, an easy word to say. An easy thing to ask for. Yet a truly deep and meaningful concept when looked at in more then a superficial way.