Epic Fail.

So apparently I once again dropped the ball on this whole updating thing, I don't have a lot to type, my life isn't overly exciting and I haven't had any deep thoughts to share, so I've decided to just throw a piece I wrote up on here and let ya have a little read.

"Can you hear me now"

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!

my throat is raw
as I continue to yell
unable to tell
I throw up my arms
and throw out my voice
waiting for a hint of a sign
that you hear me

still nothing

and as I feel the sting of defeat
I retreat to a place
dimly lit and secluded
away from prying eyes
and cry
and fall to my knees
with no strength left
to hold my head high

chin to chest
I seek your rejuvinating rest
my voice a mere crack
as one last time I ask
can you hear me now

I sit there in silence
and search my mind
in a feeble attempt to discover
and adequate place to start

I wish I could find
a way to hide what I've done
from your eyes
the damage of lies
and pain caused by pride
but my hands are small

incapable

I fall

It's me again
slipped, tripped
fell flat on my face
and in search of a friend

I need you
I can't do this on my own
I'm weak
despite the bright face
and confident words I speak
I'm controlled by fear

and so I release this prayer
with a shed tear
and in my humble silence
you respond
"Now I hear"

-William Brown ( 2008 )

Well Hope you enjoyed it, Perhaps I'll have something to post soon, or maybe it'll just end up being another piece, who knows :p

Mexico - Oct 21st

We did not sleep in today. We met in the foyer of the hotel bright and early at 6:45am and headed to the church for 7:00am. I'm glad we did though. We spent time worshiping and praying and had a little message by Arturo. Breakfast was fruit, muffins and cereal again. Today we were very much blessed because we had a man by the name of Carlos join our team. Carlos is able to speak both english and spanish so we were able to communicate with Pedro, Lucas, Alex and Juan. It made for a much easier day for sure. We began the day finishing up with knocking out the concrete we had left from yesterday. Then the fun began. Mixing concrete by hand is not easy. The first batch was 10 bags of concrete/ 50 pails of sand/ 50 pails of stone. You start by dumping the sand in a pile. Then you level out that pile and put the concrete in. You mix up that with shobels until the sand and concrete are well mixed. Flatten that down and pour on the pails of stone. Water is thrown into the mix and you mix and mix and mix until it is to the right consistency. Adding water as you go. Talk about tough work. Thankfully the second batch was only 1.5 concrete/ 7.5 sand/ 7.5 stone. It was still hard work but much less of it. That was about all the work we did. It took basically the whole day. The highlight of my day though was being able to have a real conversation with Juan thanks to the help of Carlos. We talked about how he came to this church and how God is transforming him. He lives in true service to God. He works on this project and pretty much stays at the location 24/7 24 hours a day to serve God. He said he was extremely thankful for us being there but couldn't understand why we would come from so much and so far away to help them when they have a hard time getting people from here to help them. We did our best to explain that we are extremely thankful to be able to come here and help and that it is an honor to work with them. We explained that we felt called by God to come and that we are brothers in Christ so its a blessing to both them and us being here. I'm not going to lie I had to choke back tears quite a bit. The passion these people have humbles me. Oh and it turns out Juan does auto body work too, so thats kinda sweet.

Mexico - Oct 20th

We woke up and headed to the church for breakfast at 8:00am. Apparently we slept in because when we got there the natives were already hard at work. Trust me when I say hard at work I mean HARD at work. These guys are machines. We spent the whole day chipping away at a mixture of concrete and stone bed so that the new walls to this building can tie into the walls around the yard. There was 3 of these holes we had to chisel out and man I have not done physical labor like that in a long time if ever. We went through hammers quite a bit too. We just smacked the hammer heads back on when they fell off. It was interesting though, the ingenuity of the locals at how to do things. We broke a hammer handle for one of the bigger hammers, and instead of it becoming a useless hammer Juan fashioned a new handle from a branch in like 10 minutes. It worked great. Juan helped us out quite a bit. At times it was hard with the language barrier but we eventually got it, and if we didn't he'd step in and show us how to do it. I'd swear he could read the stone. We would be working on a spot for a long time and he'd come over and in a matter of minutes make tenfold the progress. It definitely humbles you and shows there skills. I hope we didn't seem to incompetent to them. Lunch was pretty basic, just sandwiches but on some really sweet bread and some croissants. Supper was breaded chicken, beans, salad and mashed potatoes. Art warned us to be careful with the salad so I didn't actually eat it. I don't think I could of if I wanted to. I was so full. Then we headed back to the hotel. We took some time to rest and shower and got together for our first session. Our sessions are basically going to be a time of sharing testimonies. Art went tonight. It was really awesome to hear his story and his history. He definitely has a passion for these mission trips.

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Sorry for the delay. I got busy with getting our church's young adults lounge painted and totally forgot to update, but I'm back now.
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Mexico Trip - Oct 19th

We spent the entire day at the church today basically.We woke up and headed out for breakfast. I can't recall the name of the place we ate, but I had some sort of omelet with this really good cheese in it. It also had some bite sized quesadilla's too if I recall correctly, with some sort of red sauce and avocado sauce on it. It was delicious. After breakfast we walked over to the church. This was really my first time seeing the city as the drive to the hotel I wasn't really coherent. It is so different. Anyways, we arrived at the church for the service which was awesome. It went from about 11:30am till almost 2. We spent time singing, or rather clapping as they sang because it was all in Spanish. We were lucky enough that a lady whose name was Monica stood with us and explained what the songs were about. We also spent time in little groups praying for each other. Praying with the locals was amazing. Even though I didn't understand one word of what they were saying their passion was definitely inspiring and I'm glad we were a part of it. I hope that even though I was speaking English when I prayed that they were able to enjoy it as much as I did. During the service Arturo preached in English and Monica translated to Spanish. This was easier for them I guess because she could translate to Spanish much easier than to English. Even though it was a long service it really felt short. After the service we just hung out at the church for the afternoon. We enjoyed a super good meal of roast chicken, tortilla's, Cheese, and this salad like thing that I later found out was cactus and was to go with the tortilla's. By this time it was actually a good way into the evening, probably like 7:30pm or so and we headed back to the hotel. After sitting around for a while we decided to take a walk. So most of us ( Art and Ron had gone to Cost-co for some supplies ) went for a walk around the area of the hotel. We stumbled upon a soccer field and watched for a while as a game was on. That was pretty much the night.

Mexico Trip - Oct 18th

So, apparently its been a long while since my last post. I had hit a slump I guess without a lot really happening. One major thing just happened though. I joined a few guys from my church and some that weren't on a short term missions trip to Atizipan Mexico. We were there for 2 weeks and it was simply amazing. I kept a journal while we were there. I tried to do it every night, but while we were in the mountains I got behind a few days so filling in those days was tricky, but I did my best to recall as much as I could. I think that I am going to post those entries onto my blog. To both share with you my experience and also to consider and go over what I experienced. So I hope that this is in the least somewhat interesting, and possibly even helpful or encouraging. I think I'll do one day per post and we'll see if I post one a day or one every other day or what have you. But I will eventually cover the entire 2 weeks. So here we go.

October 18th, 2008

We began our journey at the Regina airport. Our flight took off around 2:00pm and we arrived in Toronto a few hours later. This was my first time flying that I am able to remember. It was good, I was lucky enough to have the window seat and was able to watch the entire take off out the window. It was a fun experience for sure. The speed that the plane accelerates and the rate at which it can gain altitude is awesome. Within minutes cars and trucks became dots and houses became indistinguishable. The landing was also really cool. Approaching the airport over Toronto was a fun sight to see. In Toronto we had about an hour so we grabbed a bite and headed to board the next plane. This flight also went well. Until the landing atleast. I don't know why considering I had no problem with the first landing but I had an episode and passed out as we landed in Mexico. Perhaps due to the higher elevation or a quicker descent. Regardless my very first experience outside of Canada was being escorted off the plane with an oxygen mask and four paramedics. Not including the EMT that came with us. The rest of the night was uneventful as I was in a daze and can't recall a lot. I just remember laying on the van seat and trying hard not to fall off it what with the bumpy, twisting drive. I'm pretty sure that that messed up my back.

Count your Blessings

This past week at church our sermon was focused on counting our blessings. As I think about this, it again encourages me that taking a trip, specifically a missions trip, out of Canada is important for me. Important for me to grow spiritually. If I, and dare I say you, look at our lives we are amazingly blessed. I feel confident in the fact that I can claim you are blessed for the mere fact that you have access to the internet to view my blog.

I take a lot for granted. In fact I take nearly everything I have for granted. Not purposefully, but in sitting here, and honestly thinking about it I realize I do. I view my possessions as things I have worked to get. But really at the root, the fact that I am ABLE to work is a blessing. The fact that I have had the opportunity to be schooled and to learn to, in my case, be part of a trade is a blessing, and so much more in light of how my post-secondary education was financed. The very fact that I went to sleep last night and awoke to another day is an amazing blessing. Yet I rarely honestly thank God for the smallest things like being able to take my next breathe, let alone the big things, like the job I have or the home I live in. This is a point I am trying to change and realize that I need to consciously focus on remembering.

Our pastor used a term "content versus comfortable" that struck a chord. I am comfortable. Amazingly so when I consider it. Honestly, Comfort is not even considered really, its accepted as a given. Even in our comfort we complain about being uncomfortable. I wonder now, if I were to lose my "stuff" the material things I've acquired over time. Would I be content? I would like to say yes. I believe that I could eventually be, but initially? Could I experience that, and stand back and be content that I still draw breathe, and still have the never ending love of my Saviour? I'm not sure I even really want to answer that.

Count my blessings eh? And here I thought I learned how to count when I was young...

Mexico eh.

I just had like a 45 - 60 minute conversation in the doorway of my apartment building with some friends of mine. I think I shall try to get into good spiritual conversation with friends more often. I kind of find it sad in a way that a really good spiritual conversation is few and far between with myself and the friends I go to church with. I think I'm going to try to influence that to change if I can. I guess we'll see.

One of the things that came up was my contemplation on a short terms mission trip to Mexico in October I believe that was presented to our church a few weeks ago. When it was first brought up I was like "oh that might be cool to be involved in, but I don't think I can afford to go, I'll find out what it would cost". So I talked to our pastor and found out what it would cost. My initial reaction was one of theres no way. I feel like Jerven and Rob ( the Lead pastor and youth pastor respectively ) have both expressed that it would be a good experience for me to have though. That coupled with the fact that the last 8 - 10 months or so have been months where I've felt like I've grown in my spiritual maturity probably more so then I have in a long time lead me to the conclusion that I NEED to go. Perhaps its a selfish reasoning, one that will end up with me not taking from it what it has the potential to show me in my life I don't know. I do know however that I feel like it will be a growing experience. I am stating right now, that I will be going. Barring any complications that do not allow me to go. I have said that cost was an issue in my mind. In reality, its not an issue, my job and current living situation will allow me to raise the funds on my own without requiring me to ask for help if I make myself do it. The excuse just doesn't hold water. I can't allow that to be the reason I don't go, and thankfully I have friends that will hold me accountable to that. I know that if this is where God wants me to go so he can break and mold me, even in any small way, I need to do my best to get there. I know that I'll probably "feel" like I can't do it, or I shouldn't do it. Satan has ways of influencing us not to follow Gods leading, and so I am thankful for my friends to hold me accountable to that.

I won't lie. It is an uncomfortable feeling for me to go on this trip. It will be a great deal out of my comfort zone. I need that. I need to be forced to see and question what I believe to be important in life. I hope that as I go I will be able to work hard to accomplish our building task down there, but also that God will break and build me. That he will use this experience to show me that the comfort I have here in Canada so easily blinds me to the lost and searching. That it allows me to sit back and believe everything is ok. That I can come back and have stretched my comfort zone out so I can be more effective as a believer to reach out to those around me.

So Mexico. Here I come.